Stranded in a Frat House and Woke up with Pink Eye

Back in college, I was part of a fraternity, and every few months we held a ceremony to initiate the incoming pledge class. This was a sacred event that all members were required to attend. Our fraternity president decided to host the ceremony at the Oregon State frat house in Corvallis.

We arrived around noon on Saturday and immediately started playing a game of pickup basketball. They welcomed us in and gave us a tour of the house. At the end of the tour, they showed us their basement, and we started playing a 20-person game of Rage Cage—which was fun. But then, they performed a bizarre song and dance where they took off their shirts and poured beer on each other. They asked if we wanted to participate, and I declined. Some of my fraternity brothers joined in, which was pretty gross since they had to put on their suits for the initiation ceremony without showering afterward.

After the ceremony, we took a group photo outside the fraternity house. It was right after that photo that things started to go downhill fast.

We tried to integrate ourselves with the OSU guys, but they kind of sucked. A lot of us turned to alcohol and weed to make up for the lack of vibe. Later that night, the OSU guys attempted to throw a party, but no one knew the lyrics to any of the songs they played. Music is the most important part of a party, and they couldn’t even get that right. We drove all this way, and they couldn’t even pull any girls for us?

Once they realized we were drunk, they showed us the worst possible thing: a storage room filled with stolen signs from the University of Oregon. Man, that pissed us off. Out of nowhere, we all had the brilliant idea to split up into groups and steal a sign from their campus.

Matt and I sprinted to campus, ready to wreak havoc. We came across a sign that was clearly cemented into the ground. I don’t know why our drunk asses thought we could pull it out, but we gave it a shot. We completely muddied our shoes in the process. Then a cop car drove by, so I ditched Matt and ran into the library. I was tracking mud everywhere. Obviously, there was nothing worth stealing in the library, so I just kept wandering around campus in the dark. I couldn’t go back to the house empty-handed.

Eventually, I stumbled into a cafeteria and found a bowling alley downstairs. Believe it or not, it was cosmic bowling—so I played a free game!

On my way to the bathroom, I saw something I wish I hadn’t: a poster of John Belushi in his iconic college sweater hanging on the wall. I almost threw up in my mouth. Anyone with a basic understanding of Animal House knows it was filmed at the University of Oregon. That poster had absolutely no business being in an Oregon State bowling alley. Without hesitation, I tore it down, stuffed it in my jacket, and walked out.

I raced back to the frat house. By that point, everyone had the late-night munchies, so we rolled out as a group to this place called University Calzone. It was basically a second-rate version of The Dough Co.—which, if you know Eugene, is an absolutely fantastic calzone spot.

I remember sitting next to Sam, watching him feverishly swipe right on all the girls on Tinder, trying to find free lodging. On the way back, we threw glass bottles into the street and shouted, “Sco Ducks!” The food absorbed some of the alcohol in our system, and a few of us began to sober up.

When we got back to the house, we all simultaneously realized that staying the night wasn’t going to happen. Eugene was 50 minutes away—which meant our beds were 50 minutes away. Since some of the drivers had already left, there weren’t enough cars to take everyone. Sheer panic erupted. It felt like I was on the Titanic, searching for a lifeboat. Unfortunately, some of us didn’t make it. The guy who drove me to Corvallis dipped out at 9 p.m., so I had to stay the night. I was so jacked up on sugar that I couldn’t sleep. I remember rocking back and forth on the tree swing outside, thinking to myself how shitty this predicament was.

I tried sleeping on the sofa, but it was covered in dog hair, so I ended up crashing on the floor. The next morning, I woke up around 8 a.m. and couldn’t open my right eye. I stumbled into the bathroom and started rinsing it. The crust slowly turned into goop. It was horrible—I had conjunctivitis. It’s highly contagious. A rescue car was scheduled to pick up the remaining survivors at 9 a.m. There was no way in hell I wasn’t getting in that car and going home. So I covered my face and pretended to sleep in the backseat.